So a few weeks ago I had this conversation with a friend of mine about sex and I don't feel like we ended up fleshing it out all that well.
Anyway, the conversation itself is rather unimportant I suppose, but we had some disagreements about sex, or at least sexual behavior and how it's handled.
I was describing to her how the idea of just regular old mechanical in and out sex day in and day out gets old. I mean, we all know this, if not from personal experience then from the media, seeing the stereotypical husband and wife that don't even touch each other anymore.. if not that, then it can be seen in the romanticized version of infidelity that's all over movies and television shows now.
The thing is, I feel like sex and sexual behavior is a beautiful thing, it can be an expression of one's-true self, but it can also just be a cage, routine, a fulfillment of a physiological need. It seems all too often when talking to friends in long-term relationships that they have just lost sexual interest in their partners. When they have sex they just think of someone else to stay in the mood.. and it seems that this has become a normal coping method for lots of couples.
I personally feel like this is killing sex, morality, and even to some extent, marriage in the US.
On a purely experience-based level, I feel like when one is not present in a moment as special or intense as sex, then they are missing out on something wonderful.
I think it's terrible when I hear my guy friends talk about methods of 'holding out' which involves thinking 'unsexy' thoughts, so they can squeeze a few more minutes into the mechanical reaming of their mate.
Conversely, I think it's even worse when people need to fantasize about other people while having sex in order to make it more exciting. The main reason why I think this is problematic, aside from not being present in the moment, is that if someone's turn-on or even fetish is the novel value of someone new, then how long will it be until they fulfill this fantasy in reality?
I mean, we all know the feeling, we all went through the stage where we would get excited at the thought of latex, masking, etc. and there just came a point when we had to experience it ourselves. (for those of you who haven't yet, you will.. and it will be good)
What I'm getting at here is that thought is the first step before action, so if one thinks about someone else while with their partner, it won't be long until they will be doing someone else all together. Which of course causes problems for monogamous relationships.
I've always liked the idea of being able to fulfill any and every fantasy with the person that you are with. Yeah, latex, masking, etc. it's not cheap, but I feel like it's so much healthier for any relationship, since you can share the most superb, amazing, and sexually satisfying fantasies with one partner over a life-time and you don't have to secretly fantasize about anyone else. I feel like it's entirely worthwhile to shell out some cash and make fantasies into realities all within the boundaries of a relationship.
However, as many of us know or can imagine, functionally integrating a fetish like this one into a healthy relationship can be far from easy; with the time it takes to dress up and the mechanical issues involved in masking, corsetry, etc. but it seems like a small price to pay in order to maintain satisfaction, internal security, and both ones self and partner mentally present during sex.
