So I have had more time on my hands lately, however I have also been filling my time with more things, so it's felt like I've had less.
However, I have had numerous occasions where dressing or masking would be possible, however I haven't for a while now. It has been sort of odd and I wonder if my interests are shifting.
Something that always bothered me with masking which could be a part of my reluctance recently is this feeling of pursuing something that feels impossible. There have been many occasions where I've dressed and quickly felt like the I made a mistake with the look: the pads aren't sitting right, the mask + wig isn't looking good, the outfit doesn't really work well, etc. There have also been occasions where I'm surprised and pleased with the outfit and look, but somehow there's a level of interaction or engagement that still feels like it's lacking. The best way I can describe it is, when I was a child I collected some action figures and would play with them. I'd see the commercials and watch the TV shows or movies that they were from and would get these enormous hopes about how having this action figure will somehow capture the interest and magic of the source material. Then once I had the figure in hand, after a day or so would be staring at it and thinking, "that's all this is? somehow I thought this would be more."
I sometimes have felt the same way looking in the mirror while dressed.
It's exciting and sexual and fun, yes, but somehow still feels unattainable. Maybe this is just me and the way I engage with my fetish, but to me I think the fantasy is to be a woman and dress myself in latex. However, the "be a woman" part is what is difficult and is the part that feels unattainable.. even when I have ostensibly attained it. It's a sort of hard thing to describe, I wonder if others have felt the same way?
Questions for you:
Before masking and dressing, do you sometimes feel sort of down and depressed?
If you end up having some free time and decide to dress, what is your process of getting there? Is there a mood or a feeling involved? Do you normally pre-plan and are excited for the occasion? how does that look to you?
