coming out... a little

I've been coming out more to more people lately, either about my cross dressing or about masking specifically.
It's kind of interesting doing this, since it's something I've kept so hidden for so long from virtually everyone, but in recent history have told about 3 people (ex's, current partners) about it. They've all received it very well and have been supportive, which has come as somewhat of a surprise.

The interesting part of it is that I was a little reticent about sharing, partially for obvious reasons, but partially because the secrecy of it somehow makes it more special and exciting to me. I was afraid that talking about it more and making it more commonplace would make it less exciting. I did find that when talking about it, it really did seem to come true, in that it feels less special in a small and insignificant way. I suppose the big trade off is having the opportunity to get the possibility of dressing around someone else and maybe getting to engage in play.

But it's so hard for me to imagine dressing around someone who isn't intrinsically turned on by it already. I think that if I were with someone while dressing that I would feel self conscious and uncomfortable, but I'd hope that would pass with time.

I've also noticed with one person it helped me feel more connected and close with them, but with the other two it has made me feel vulnerable and kind of awkward. Something that I have a hard time reconciling about dolling is that I only feel like doing it about 3% of the time, but when I do, it's all I can think about. So when sharing my 'secret' it was not during one of these periods, I also have a very hard time predicting when I will want to dress, so it's also hard for me to imagine scheduling a play session with someone then actually feeling like getting dolled up on command. However, maybe these all would be non-issues once I'm comfortable with someone while in doll-mode.

just random thoughts about something that's happened recently, I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on it soon, but just wanted to share, especially cause I'm in a little bit of a posting dry-spell