Monday, October 3, 2022

Updates and late video post

 Hi all, 

I posted a couple new vides on my PH and C4S sites. It was the one and only video where I have used my latex sheets. I thought they would be fun to play on, but quickly discovered that I need a lot more lube or something in order to make them fun, since they were so sticky to roll around on. I had the latex on latex issue, where the material just wants to grab onto itself. 
It was a fun video and oddly comfortable outfit. Here are a couple pictures I snapped from the session I'm only sharing here: 




As for other updates: 
I still haven't been masking or wearing anything as of lately, partially because the summer has been too hot, partially because life has been especially busy, partially because I've been with my partner most of the time and she's still not aware of my interest in masking, and partially because of all the first 3 reasons I haven't felt deeply moved to mask. 

I feel like in life I often postpone gratification and try to get things out of the way that I have to do, before doing the things I want to do. However, I've put masking down for so long that even when I've had spots of time to dress, I haven't out of exhaustion or stress. I don't think I'm the only one dealing with extra stress now with the economy and all the things that are going on in the world. However, I'll still stress about staffing issues, inflation, and all that fun stuff. 
However, the GBP and Euro are much weaker compared to the USD than I've ever seen. So it's actually a good time to be buying up latex and rubber as an American. However, I'm trying to save up to buy a home, so I really can't rationalize paying for things that aren't absolutely necessary at the moment. 

As for the video I've foreshadowed for the fall. I still haven't talked to my partner about it, however I have (finally) received some of the first few things I would need to make the video (I ordered them in May and they just arrived in September). So using these items with my partner, then leading to a conversation about making a video is next. If I'm really good about my time management, then I'll work out my outfit for said video in the coming months and share a sneak peek here. I just want to be vague, since I don't want to create expectations if the video never becomes a reality. 

I think that I've been having more trouble considering making a x-dressing video, since I've been packing on more muscle from my pastime activities and it's making my overall shape less fem. Even from the pictures above, you can already see that I look a bit stockier and bulkier, which I'm not loving for masking. These pictures were also taken about 2 years ago, so the issue has gotten worse, however my Masc(uline) form has been improving, I think? 

Strange insights: 
I'm making a left-turn here, however this is maybe the only place where I can share about such subjects, so I'm going to. 
I've noticed that my overall desire to mask has gone down, but I've also noticed that my libido in general has reduced as well. I'm not sure if it's aging or if it's something else. I think a part of me is getting lazy and pursuing the path of least resistance. With a partner that enjoys sex, I've come to realize I can have it basically whenever I like. So given that, I feel like the pressure valve for masking gets released frequently enough for me not to get to a place where I'm feeling like I need to mask. 

I think that masking in the past for me was a slow build of wanting to have some sort of involved sexual experience, so after enough time with no sexual encounters I would get to a point where I'd be fantasizing about pulling on the rubber and getting that brain-breaking feeling when looking in the mirror and seeing someone else. Now that I'm having sex more regularly and having kinky sex more regularly, it's felt like my urge to mask often gets cut off at the legs before it becomes a situation where I feel like I need to mask. Also, when having sex, once it's done, it's done, while with masking after being "done" with a session there's a lot of undressing, cleaning, showering, hang-drying, re-organizing, re-powdering and conditioning. There's definitely a part of me that doesn't miss the clean-up, but certainly a part of me that misses the ritual (however, there is also a part that doesn't miss parts of the ritual, like the beginning and the end of a session). 

The feeling hasn't gone away, however I do see an obstacle to my masking with my relationship and the real obstacle is the fact that I haven't shared this with my partner yet. I'm hoping to do this in stages, however I feel like I'm perpetually putting it off. However, she is planning on moving in with me relatively soon, which puts a time-limit on my window to share, since once she moves in I think she'll discover it soon enough. However, however, however, I'm trying to work through it.

I appreciate that the followers of mine that would demand or try to bully me for content have all dropped away, leaving the people I really want to be communicating with (y'all). So these are my plans and hopes, however, just like most things over the past 2 years, it's nearly impossible to predict how things will go. So good luck to everyone struggling with all the changes and economic issues going on right now and I hope to have more NEW (like actually new) content at somepoint this year. But later this week I do intend to post another video taken from the past, so keep a look-out for a new video (or two) within the next week! 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Anima. Are you all right? I hope so, and that you had a good time at Christmas. I recently saw the news about heavy snowstorms in the US, and I hope you and your family are doing well. I confess that in recent months I have visited your blog daily, hoping to get updates on your current reflections and on masking. You've touched on many topics that made me think about why I entered this world as well, and about my interests in continuing (or not) in masking. I feel that few people have gone into this subject in such depth. Well, why do I say this? It is said that the turn of the year is a time to reflect and close cycles. So, while I was thinking about this sphere of my life, I wanted to take the opportunity to greet you and wish you a happy new year, filled with peace, health and happiness. I don't know when you will read this message, but I wanted you to know that I wish you the best feelings and that you are very happy in your life choices.

About the masking... I think it brought me a little closer to the feelings I had about shyness, self-esteem and shame / fear of relating to other people. I wish, who knows in the near future, to have a level of maturity, about my relationship with masking, close to what I've always observed in your posts.

Thank you for sharing a little of your life experience with us, a big hug,

Samus "Sam" Aran,