It was fun, but not quite what I expected.
I just felt the urge to dress so I thought, ok I'll try on this surf-suit, now I'll put on these hip pads, how about this top? and it kept going. So I didn't really go into this dressing session with a plan. So I ended up running out of time early, which meant no wig.
Over the past couple months I've had the urge to dress on some occasions, but I'm finding myself just wanting to snap my fingers and have everything on. I used to enjoy the process of dressing, but now (or at least this time) it felt more like work. I can't tell if it's me just getting older and busier or if something is really changing in terms of my interest in female masking. I do have to say, I continue to enjoy female masking in concept, but I find myself either lazier or with less time and opportunity to do it.
This last time dressing I was hit with an old feeling with masking that wasn't really the wonderful homecoming I was expecting.
For many years with masking I've felt somewhat frustrated with masking, since I've been feeling like I've been trying to fit a square peg into a circular hole or like I'm ice skating uphill. It may not be all that clear here, but my upper body is larger and more defined than it's been in the past, which has made creating the ideal dimensions even more difficult. It's also posing more issues with finding the right size of garments to wear.
I suppose the shortened version of what I'm saying is that there's always been some part of me that has felt disappointed when masking. Like I could have done something better or I'm feeling frustrated at some body part proportion or that I can achieve a good look, but only from a specific angle while I'm postured in a specific way.
Most of the images I've shared are ones where I feel like I'm approaching creating a more idealized or believable female form, however even within those dressing sessions, much of the time I'm lamenting over my inability to achieve the dimensions or look that I am hoping for. I certainly envy the maskers and cross dressers who are very thin, particularly with thin necks and thin arms. However, I also think that these people have to work for their look, so I'm not suggesting that I'm just genetically cursed while these people have it easy. I think it's always hard when trying to straddle the uncanny valley and swap genders.
For the past.. year or so, I've dressed more in masculine form, even with masking, as opposed to feminine. The main motivation for this has been the relationship that I've been in and that my partner has awareness of my prosthetics and latex fetish, but she is still unaware of my female masking and cross dressing fetish. So in the past year, I've probably dressed in masculine form about 1x/mo while in fem form 1x/year. I've been finding myself enjoying dressing in masculine form and in ways it's felt very opposite to my experience dressing as fem, in that my basic build and frame already lend itself to the male form, so building a more ideal male form is much simpler and the result is more believable. However, it's less exotic and interesting I have to admit. But it's made it very clear to me that I'm highly interested in disguise and prosthetics, but what I'm trying to transform myself into is less important.
I do suppose that a major difference between dressing as masc and fem is what to do when all dressed up. When dressed as fem, taking pictures of myself and looking in the mirror and getting that 'brain breaking' feeling when seeing a nice shapely body in the mirror is exciting in itself. When dressing as masc, it's interesting and exciting, but once fully dressed I'm normally having sex, so it's hard for me to know what dressing solo in masc form would be like outside of being in a relationship and whether it would feel unfinished somehow. Like cooking a meal and not being able to eat it.
Video and relationship update:
So my partner and I made a few videos earlier this year, however we never put them online anywhere, since we got blocked by the various online platforms where I have sold videos in the past.
My partner is pretty clear that she would want to be compensated somehow if the videos were online. However, things in my relationship have been pretty rocky since about March. So these videos may unfortunately never see the light of day since if we split or separate, I wouldn't put them online for mostly moral but also legal reasons.
But through the relationship I recognize that when I'm sexually satisfied my inclination to female mask is greatly diminished. However, my desire to wear latex and do some sort of sexual dress up is not heavily impacted. Which makes me wonder about the longevity of my female masking. I wonder if I'll end up becoming more of a female mask + fetish writer as opposed to a contributor, we will see. I think there's a big new generation of female maskers sharing online, which is great and I'm beginning to feel more and more like it is their time now and whatever I share online will no longer be for the fetish or the community, but more just to occasionally feel validated in my interests, even though the images and content I put out won't be anything for people to get overly excited about.
I have more thoughts in my head, but as of lately a bit more time on my hands, so with any luck, I'll be posting up more regularly here soon (I feel like I say this with nearly every post, so take that statement with a grain of salt)
2 comments:
Still looking fine, if that pic is anything to go off of. As for other contributions, I'd be cool if you did some writing, since several past videos had a story, meaning you clearly have a measure of creativity.
If you want video ideas, you could try making a new version of identity theft. You can use both male and female personas in such a video.
Do what you want that makes you happy!
I appreciate the comment! However, my days of having themed videos I believe is basically over, just because I don't have as much time or space to dedicate to masking as I had in the past. But who knows, that may change
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