Updates and late video post

 Hi all, 

I posted a couple new vides on my PH and C4S sites. It was the one and only video where I have used my latex sheets. I thought they would be fun to play on, but quickly discovered that I need a lot more lube or something in order to make them fun, since they were so sticky to roll around on. I had the latex on latex issue, where the material just wants to grab onto itself. 
It was a fun video and oddly comfortable outfit. Here are a couple pictures I snapped from the session I'm only sharing here: 

As for other updates: 
I still haven't been masking or wearing anything as of lately, partially because the summer has been too hot, partially because life has been especially busy, partially because I've been with my partner most of the time and she's still not aware of my interest in masking, and partially because of all the first 3 reasons I haven't felt deeply moved to mask. 

I feel like in life I often postpone gratification and try to get things out of the way that I have to do, before doing the things I want to do. However, I've put masking down for so long that even when I've had spots of time to dress, I haven't out of exhaustion or stress. I don't think I'm the only one dealing with extra stress now with the economy and all the things that are going on in the world. However, I'll still stress about staffing issues, inflation, and all that fun stuff. 
However, the GBP and Euro are much weaker compared to the USD than I've ever seen. So it's actually a good time to be buying up latex and rubber as an American. However, I'm trying to save up to buy a home, so I really can't rationalize paying for things that aren't absolutely necessary at the moment. 

As for the video I've foreshadowed for the fall. I still haven't talked to my partner about it, however I have (finally) received some of the first few things I would need to make the video (I ordered them in May and they just arrived in September). So using these items with my partner, then leading to a conversation about making a video is next. If I'm really good about my time management, then I'll work out my outfit for said video in the coming months and share a sneak peek here. I just want to be vague, since I don't want to create expectations if the video never becomes a reality. 

I think that I've been having more trouble considering making a x-dressing video, since I've been packing on more muscle from my pastime activities and it's making my overall shape less fem. Even from the pictures above, you can already see that I look a bit stockier and bulkier, which I'm not loving for masking. These pictures were also taken about 2 years ago, so the issue has gotten worse, however my Masc(uline) form has been improving, I think? 

Strange insights: 
I'm making a left-turn here, however this is maybe the only place where I can share about such subjects, so I'm going to. 
I've noticed that my overall desire to mask has gone down, but I've also noticed that my libido in general has reduced as well. I'm not sure if it's aging or if it's something else. I think a part of me is getting lazy and pursuing the path of least resistance. With a partner that enjoys sex, I've come to realize I can have it basically whenever I like. So given that, I feel like the pressure valve for masking gets released frequently enough for me not to get to a place where I'm feeling like I need to mask. 

I think that masking in the past for me was a slow build of wanting to have some sort of involved sexual experience, so after enough time with no sexual encounters I would get to a point where I'd be fantasizing about pulling on the rubber and getting that brain-breaking feeling when looking in the mirror and seeing someone else. Now that I'm having sex more regularly and having kinky sex more regularly, it's felt like my urge to mask often gets cut off at the legs before it becomes a situation where I feel like I need to mask. Also, when having sex, once it's done, it's done, while with masking after being "done" with a session there's a lot of undressing, cleaning, showering, hang-drying, re-organizing, re-powdering and conditioning. There's definitely a part of me that doesn't miss the clean-up, but certainly a part of me that misses the ritual (however, there is also a part that doesn't miss parts of the ritual, like the beginning and the end of a session). 

The feeling hasn't gone away, however I do see an obstacle to my masking with my relationship and the real obstacle is the fact that I haven't shared this with my partner yet. I'm hoping to do this in stages, however I feel like I'm perpetually putting it off. However, she is planning on moving in with me relatively soon, which puts a time-limit on my window to share, since once she moves in I think she'll discover it soon enough. However, however, however, I'm trying to work through it.

I appreciate that the followers of mine that would demand or try to bully me for content have all dropped away, leaving the people I really want to be communicating with (y'all). So these are my plans and hopes, however, just like most things over the past 2 years, it's nearly impossible to predict how things will go. So good luck to everyone struggling with all the changes and economic issues going on right now and I hope to have more NEW (like actually new) content at somepoint this year. But later this week I do intend to post another video taken from the past, so keep a look-out for a new video (or two) within the next week! 

COVID?

 Hi everyone! all 3 or 4 of you that are still checking this site. 
I have a moment to write here because I came down with a flu this past week and I'm just starting to get on the other side of it now. I'm not sure if it's COVID or not, since I'm still too unwell feeling to leave my apartment to pick up a test. However, if I have COVID or not, it doesn't really matter since I'm doing better now and it's not as though there's some special COVID treatment that's any different than the common cold or flu. I can't tell if this is an irresponsible way to way to look at it or not, but I think it's more irresponsible to go out in the community, feverish and coughing, just to confirm that I have COVID or not. (if someone has a different point of view, I'd love to hear your rationale for it)

This summer has been very hot for the past couple months, and I don't have A/C, so the thought of masking has gone hand in hand with heat-exhaustion, so it hasn't been something that's been at the forefront of my mind. 

I'm starting to get more of a specific and clear plan around future plans of putting out at least 1 video. It won't be until the fall though, partially because of the weather, partially because I ordered a couple things that I'll need for the video in MAY and it still hasn't come yet (ugh, supply chain issues and inflation has been a killer). I'm very excited and hopeful for this video, however there are a number of moving parts where I'm not sure if it'll actually happen or not, so I don't want to get people's hopes too high and never have it come through. So if/when it's coming out or if I make steps closer to making the video, I'll post about it here first, but again, it won't be until October at the earliest. 

I need to go lay back down, but since I finally had a free moment to update, I figured I would. I'm hoping to have some sort of update, hopefully with some (older) pictures and maybe videos sometime in September. 
Stay safe out there! 

1/2 year update

 Wow, I really am having trouble anticipating my updates. 
Well, nothing masking or fetish related has happened as of late. I am hoping to get my partner into some new and hopefully cute/fun outfits in the coming months. Long term I'm hoping to more and more reveal my male masking side to her, however I don't have any specific timeline for if/when this may happen.

I think most everyone here has been having a difficult couple of years. 
I'm not complaining, but life has been pretty hectic during and now coming out of (or temporarily popping our heads up from) the pandemic. It's driven me to make more changes in my life, hopefully good ones! but ones that will almost surely sap my free time/ability to dress up and make content even more. 

I hope when I get spots of free time in the coming months that I will look through + post more of my content. 

I hope next time I have a more in-depth update for you all! 

Lady F*ck

 I'm digging through some old videos and pictures and found one of a number of sets that I haven't uploaded yet. I just posted it up on my C4S site if you want to give it a look. 

It's called "Lady F*ck"

I'll work on getting it up on PorhHub soon
-update- 
Pornhub has put some additional restrictions and hoops to jump through for me to upload new videos. So this may be a longer process than expected. I also see that my sales aren't great on PH. So I may be using PH more like my youtube for free, non-sexual content. 

quick update, quick dressing

Last night I had the night to myself and tried some padding and an old catsuit. Unfortunately the catsuit didn't quite fit (I'm too tall? so maybe this will be the first thing on my list of things to sell, which is an XXL princess suit from libidex). I didn't have the time to get fully dressed, but wanted to snap a shot for everyone to see that I'm still thinking about dressing. I also have some time carved out in March where I'll be able to dress, which I'm excited about.  

As for updates: 
I'm still yet to enumerate the things that I plan to sell/give away. I hope that in March I'll get this worked out a bit better (since I'll need to put on my base layer of padding, then try everything on again to see what fits and what doesn't). From looking through what I have so far, I feel pretty attached to all the gear that I have, so there's a part of me that doesn't want to give any away. On the other hand, I do need to clear out space and there are some garments I just don't have any use for. So I am hoping to start compiling a bunch of gear that I can start selling/bundling online. Once I get it all squared away, I hope I can sell it all locally in one big dump, but will consider a piecemeal approach, but before I get too ahead of myself, I just wanted to say that my gear drop is in process and will likely be a semi-long-term project for me to figure out what to get rid of and what to save. 

I do have some male-silicone gear that I think I will let go of, if anyone has any interest in that as well. 

From dressing for the first time in maybe a year? maybe longer? I realized that I can still achieve the look that I like and my body transformation I thought I underwent really wasn't as noticeable as I had originally thought, which is good news for my dressing. Also from looking through my mask collection, it seems like my 'applied' version of my CreaFx masks have basically melted, so I again warn everyone, if you get a CreaFx mask and you want it to last, get the 'regular' version! 

First 2022 update + unloading gear

 Hi all, 
I'm so glad that there are still some people who check my site, even given the extraordinarily irregular update times. I wish I could promise that I would be more regular with my updates, but given my past of saying that and not following through, I won't try to predict when/how I'll be updating. 

To the last commenter Mini88:
I understand your situation in your relationship and I wish you luck in the future with your partner or perhaps finding one where you can integrate masking more smoothly, I hope the same for myself! 

This year my goals are very pragmatic in that I am hoping to get an additional license that will increase my earning power (some) with my job, upgrade my living situation, and to see how further blending my life with my girlfriend goes. For external reasons it looks like she'll be moving in with me in the near future and I am excited to take another step in our relationship, I am also worried about what that will mean for my personal life and even more so, my fetish/masking life. One of the major reasons I want to upgrade my living situation is so that when we're living together that I can provide a large enough environment for the two of us to have our own private space when we're both home. In an ideal situation this could help me have more time for my fetish, but would also mean that I would need to be more forthcoming about all my interests. Since I would rather her know what I was up to in private, rather than her stumbling across it on her own. This already has been an odd balancing act since we essentially live together and my place is busting with latex and silicone. 

In preparation of this transition this year (GF moving in) I am already downgrading my gear. I've prepared a goodwill drop off for some of my vanilla women's clothing and can see in the coming months that I'll be trying to do the same with some of my silicone gear as well. 
Dumping old clothes that I don't use anymore doesn't bother me so much, but tossing expensive (often rarely used) silicone items seems like a total waste to me though. So I'm still at least a month away from having a put aside items I would be interested in selling, but wanted to check with the community if people would be interested in this? 

My main issue is that I would rather sell these things in person/locally (Washington state), but would be willing to ship them as well. I don't have anything set aside just yet, but am hoping that in the coming months will start listing things. At this time, it'll bring me to the issue of payment and hoping to do it anonymously. I used to have an anonymous paypal account, however that fell apart a decade ago, so I'm unsure now how to do anonymous payments. I would hope that people in the community interested in buying the gear would trust such a payment method, but we'll just have to cross that bridge when we get there. 

My apologies about not having anything so interesting to report, but I am trying to get a bit more regular with my updates. 

2021 update

 I appreciate all of you who continue to view this site and particularly those of you who comment and e-mail. I also appreciate the fact that the community as a whole seems to be thriving, which makes me happy. Since I remember a time, years (decades?) ago where I felt like I was one of a very small number of maskers that were making themselves public out in the anonymous space of the internet. So it's good to see that this fetish is alive and well! 

Updates: 
Ironically, the relationship that had ended when I last posted started back up again. She came back to me apologizing for leaving me and I certainly didn't make it easy for her to come back, but she stuck it out and did. This has been a good thing for my personal life, however it's not to say that everything is perfect. This relationship starting back up is a central reason why I haven't been updating/dressing/posting, etc. 

As for masking, I've done basically none in the past year and a half, apart from the daily donning of surgical masks, ugh. However, I have been wearing rubber (1-2x/month) with my partner. I've been introducing her to the fetish and she seems to be taking to it reasonably well. She seems to sometimes like it, other times is a little afraid of it. 

whenever she dresses up, there's always a point where she says, "I look like a doll now," however I've never referred to the fetish as a 'doll' fetish, which I find sort of interesting that she makes that jump, because I think it's an accurate one. 
It's been interesting to try to see the fetish through her eyes. She often asks me, "when you started liking latex, how was it?" or "what do you like about latex?" both are hard questions for me to answer, since leather/latex/PVC was my first love, even before I had my first crush. So to me it feels like she's asking a fish to describe how they figured out how to swim or what it's like to live under water, both seem completely inherent and in a way invisible to me. She asks because she says that she thinks that she's starting to like it, but somehow feels conflicted about it. We seem to have a communication breakdown around these conversations, but I'm glad that she's taking to it more than tolerating it. 

A point of (almost) conflict that we often reach is that she says that she would like to wear latex out in public. I always have a negative response to this, which has been interesting to experience. I almost feel like being out in fetish-wear (for me) would be like walking around in public naked while reading my personal diary through a megaphone. So I have this feeling of, if she were to wear it out, it would be same experience, yet I'd have no control over it. It's odd that I'm such a fan of the material and fetish, yet once it leaves being behind closed doors, I somehow have a very different view of it. It goes from this ooey gooey lovely personal sexual thing to this sort of showy, 'try hard' or 'look at me, I need attention' thing, which I know it's not, but I can't seem to shake. 
There's not final point here, just something odd I've been experiencing. 

I'm hoping to further her experience in latex and down the road, am hoping to get her into sharing some things online, hopefully with the two of us together. If that does happen, I'll surely make this clear here and on social media (but who knows if this will ever happen). 

I've been mostly talking about latex here and not so much masking. 
Masking I've been having a harder and harder time rationalizing in my brain as something that can co-exist with a romantic relationship. I did have a partner briefly about 2 years ago who was interested in all my masking and gender things and we played together on a few occasions while masked/dressed. Of all the people I've been with, this was the person who I felt would be most accepting of my fetish. After our play sessions, it felt more and more like they were tolerating it, but not enjoying it. 
It helped me see more clearly that masking to the masker is something inherently erotic (to some it may be more about identity, however I fall more in the camp of eroticism when it comes to masking), but to the non-masker, masking can be 'scary' or about how one cannot accept their identity. So whoever one's partner is, they are with you for YOU, not for some alter-ego. So it sort of feels as though it's viewed as a denial of self that encourages the thought of, "who is this person really?" 

This is a major reason why I haven't tried introducing masking to my partner, because I don't want to scare her off and go from 10mph (latex) to 100mph (masking) too quickly, since she is still digesting latex/rubber. I honestly don't think that I need to mask with partners, I truly believe that for me masking is a solitary activity where I'm not consumed with the thoughts and considerations of others. However, there's always going to be a part of me that would like to blend these worlds, but every time I have, it hasn't quite gone the way I wanted it to. 

I also think that even if one were to have a partner who was a good play-partner and into and up for all the rubber and masking activities, it still brings up the question of family and having children (which I have not yet). I know through much of my masking exploits I would get messages from men with families that would talk about how they lived vicariously through my videos and images. I always felt sort of bad for them, that they couldn't express their true nature in their lives. However now, I sort of envy them, ironically. 

I can see how latex fetish can exist in a relationship, but I still see masking and hetero-romantic relationships being something very difficult to reconcile. It's not that I am no longer into the fetish, I certainly am! However, I don't see how I can blend the two worlds. I've also noticed that the more sex that I have, the lower my desire is to mask is. However, if/when I have some more time, I will endeavor to share more of my back-log of pictures and videos. If I have enough free time, then I can hopefully get to dress and mask again!

Thank you all to those reading, commenting, and messaging me. I do appreciate it a lot! Even if I'm very slow to respond